Not me, they started it!

He (Yaks) had to start all three games, to say the very least, non-performing but still a necessity as was the case of the Nigerian super eagles (a moniker every Nigerian questions).  Although not surprised, i was utterly disappointed by their performance which unfortunately wasn't because of actions on the field but because of their actions off it.

I mentioned my not being surprised about this politicking because this issue stems right from the core of the society; we as individuals and our selfish “nothing goes for nothing” interests, the police force with their fellow "Agberos" and their conspicuous shameful show of corruption through bribery, right through our churches, offices, sports administration to the house of reps (still coming to that), house of assembly and other forms of representation this country has. Whether it’s a terrorist attack, or a political figure’s looting of funds, either it’s the un-explanation of the former president's last 3 months on earth or the political selection of players in a team(when the right thing to do is so obvious), we shamefully display our corruption to the world, hence putting innocent ones amongst us in the spot.

Ok the popular issue, while some people do get the gist, I won’t mind re-emphasizing for those who don’t. So let’s break down the whole thing concisely.

•  We have got 109 senators and 360 house of ­­ rouges reps members.

• Each senator’s annual salary lies currently at N29.76million and each allowance is N60million every 3 months. That’s a total of N240million in allowances per year which means each senator gets the sum of N269.76million per annum multiplied by 109 to a total of N29.40billion per year from our yearly budget!

•  Each house of rep member's annual salary lies currently at N23.76million and each allowance is N45million every 3 months. That’s a total of N108million in allowances per year which means each member gets the sum of N131.76million per annum multiplied by 360 to a total of N73.4billion per year still from our yearly budget!

• That’s a total of N102.8billion per year on these people.

 Need i say more.....? Alright i will.

Nigeria is 50 come October 1st. and news flash, they have appropriated about N10billion! Yes not a typo, N10billion for the celebration (of what i ask). You can get the full breakdown here and i must admit, it’s quite outrageous and hilarious as well!!!

Furthermore, Nigerian population is estimated at N150million, more than half of which lives below poverty level (oh, isn’t it funny that the minimum wage is... wait for it … N7500!). With our massive income and revenue, we are still unable to generate electricity to light a 40watts bulb for a full day. The people we voted in these positions are enriching their pockets, ignoring their civil responsibilities, while the masses continue to suffer.

Need i continue....? OK i still will!

Anyone catch the late night boxing talent show exhibited by our honorable house of rouges, sorry again, reps, (told you i was coming to this) it was a shame, a disgrace to our country. I was further embarrassed because it was Warren, a friend from the UK, that called me to tune in to the station. Apparently, members of the Federal House of Representatives engaged in a free -for-all fight [Violence and assault] on the floor of the house as the Progressives led by Mr. Dino Melaye, an opposition to the embattled speaker of the house, Dimeji Bankole, tried to introduce a motion for his impeachment. What a shame! Full story and more pictures here.

The strange thing is this, i can't do anything about it, i could talk all day till i lose my voice, better still, i could be part of a rally, with my placard and my shirt (with #lightupnaija or any other of our 1 million and 1 problem imprints on it) while an activist, say Wole Soyinka, serves as coordinator. But like my boss told me, u can’t fight with the two G's? GOD and Government! Quite interesting.

And while some might argue that the change begins with us as individuals (so true), how much of those changed individual gets to a position of considerable influence. Those that have tried are either 6ft underground or on their way. I think Muttalab should have deferred his terrorist act for the independent day meeting and changed his target to the venue where all lawmakers in Nigeria would meet. He'd probably be a hero.

Many songs have been sung, many marathons have been run, but this government cannot and will not do anything to change our current predicament, we need God's divine intervention and his mercies too.

#ifhiphopwashighschool

Thanks to Rachael Samara for the inspiration.

Twitter might be one of the best inventions of recent time. Who doesn't love the ability to connect with their favorite artists and express how they feel about them-whether it's good, or bad. Twitter often has some crazy trending topics whether it's the trending #nigeriangrammer (why are u twice on the bed? Come down each by each!) or maybe the love of some die hard fans who wake up everyday just to tell rnb sensation, Banky w aka @BankyW how they really feel (#iwannamarrybankyw).

The recent trending topic, #ifhiphopwashighschool got me thinking, what if hip hop really was high school? There are definitely some interesting characters in the hip hop community, making it an interesting battle as to who would win each superlative. The school which would undoubtedly be located in Brooklyn, NY would be filled wall-to-wall with enough hip hop swag to last a lifetime.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Teacher's Pet" would be: Drake

It seems like he can't do anything wrong. Since he came on the scene, everything he's touched has turned to gold, he's a successful rapper and singer. A student equivalent to Drake's role in the hip hop world would be any teacher's dream. Who wouldn't love a student who seemed to get everything right?



 

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Principal" would be: Russell Simmons

There are few people in the hip hop industry who are more respected than "The CEO of Hip Hop." There's no better candidate to run a school full of future hip hop artists than the man who is responsible for making the industry what it has become today.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "Most Likely To Succeed" would be:  Jay-Z

As a kid from the projects of Bed Stuy, Brooklyn he has made it in every sense of the word.  He 

could be the spokesperson for success, proving his hustle since he stepped foot in the game.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Class Clown" would be: Fabolous 

  

Ever since Fabolous began showcasing his personality via Twitter, there is no doubt this  Brooklyn-born rapper would have the whole school gathering around him just to listen to his sarcastic humor. His famous chipped tooth ads to the comedic persona, making his role as the class clown that much more believable.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Best Dressed" would be: Andre 3000
  

Not too many men can rock the outfits that this outcast pulls off. From suspenders and 1950's era glasses, to perfectly shined Oxfords, there is a reason Vogue Magazine has featured this rapper in their highly respected publication.

 #ifhiphopwashighschool "The School Bully" would be: Beanie Sigel
 

 His nickname is the "Broad Street Bully" and if that doesn't say enough, he just gives off that "I used to bully kids in school" vibe. His career has featured beef with other rappers, rewind to his 

grade school days, I think we'd all keep our distance.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Jock" would be: Nelly 

Have you seen his Sean John ads? This one was no contest. He has the physical endurance to become the school's star athlete as well as the boy-next-door looks and magnetic personality.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The 'It' Girl" would be: Beyonce 

 She's the woman that every guy wants to get with, and the one every other girl envies. If she doesn't fit the stereotypical "it girl," I don't know who else does.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Ladies Man" would be: LL Cool J
 

 This was an easy one. What female hasn't obsessed over this man at some point in their lives? His looks and body are one thing, his name stands for "Ladies Love Cool James" and he has a natural ability to rap the skirt off of any woman. There's so many factors that make this legendary rapper the perfect ladies man.

 

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Class President" would be: Diddy 

 He already has his "Vote or Die" shirts ready incase he even needed to campaign. My guess is he wouldn't need to plan any campaign strategy as everyone already loves him. He's the hip hop mogul with the golden touch, no one could be more qualified to run the class.

 

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Most Popular" would be: Lil Wayne 

 One of the biggest stars in the world right now, the Young Money ringleader has been able to cross over from a black to white audience more successfully than any other artists. He has fans of all background, from every corner of the world. If that doesn't give him the "most popular" title, I don't know what would.


 

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Best Kept Secret" would be: Lupe Fiasco 

 With two studio albums under his belt and enough talent for days, it's a surprise he isn't in the spotlight that much. He raps, plays the piano and keyboards and he even f*cks with Kanye West. He has everything it takes to be the face of hip hop, but for some reason everyone is selfishly keeping his talent to themselves.


 

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The School Nerd" would be: Pharrell

 A self-proclaimed N.E.R.D., Pharrell created Star Trak Entertainment, an ode to one of his favorite shows, Star Trek. Known for throwing up the Vulcan Peace Sign as if he truly believes in it, no other artist has nerdy roots that run so deep. There's nothing wrong with being a nerd, just look where it got him.

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Valedictorian" would be: Plies 

Fort Myers rapper, Plies aka Algernod Washington, was the real life Valedictorian of his high school. He may be "goon affiliated" but he's actually an intelligent "goon." Being an educated rapper may take away some of an artist's street cred, but when it comes down to it, being named your school's Valedictorian is something to be seriously proud of.

 

#ifhiphopwashighschool "The Most Artistic" would be: Kanye West 

 Kanye West is one of the most creative artists of our time. He's a true artist (he often sketches), a male fashionista and a true creative thinker. He may be unique and outspoken, but when it comes to his work he's a quiet genius. We never know what to expect out of him.

Rekindling old flames: Can you go back?

It has happened to you. It sure has happened to me - that chance meeting, that sometimes eerie encounter with a former love.

It happened to a friend recently and it left her breathless.

“OMG. Guess who i just ran into!” Gbemi screeched, obviously excited. Before i could imagine, she said “It's Ay! Ay - the dude i dated for almost 3 years back at the University!” She continued with how she ran into him at a conference in Ikeja; he is now a successful executive and recently broke up with Jenny - the chic for whom he dumped Gbemi 2 years ago. Still, Gbemi was trying to fall in love again. I was speechless!

I've read stories about how high school and college sweethearts break up, go on to date ( and even marry) other people and then reconnect years later;  Sometimes, it turns out to be those “happily ever after” stories. I hope that's what will happen to Gbemi and Ay. She doesn't deserve to get jilted by the same guy twice. Seems she has long forgotten how much drama and trauma Ay put her through. I'll try to mind my business and only remind her if she brings it up.

Her giddiness at this reunion reminded me of how i once ran into an old flame. She was happy to make me aware that she is now single and available; I gladly made her aware that i wasn't. But i did think about her a lot over the succeeding days and wondered what my life would be with her. I later decided it wasn't worth the potential trouble.

Many couples have broken up early to get back together again. I have met a couple who married each other for the 4th time. Miracles do happen. So do repeated mistakes.

True, some people actually can move forward by reaching back and reuniting with past loves. Some actually live happily after but others are just fooling themselves and depriving themselves of true happiness because they can't let go of failed past relationships.

I'm not a cynic when it comes to love. In fact, i am a romantic optimist who is forever hopeful. But I’ll take my chances moving forward.

In my heart of hearts, i just feel that while some old flames deserve the chance to get back together, others should just be doused with cold water.

Be an Original

I was at a seminar the other day, when somebody's cell phone rang. It wasn't the ring-ring, ring-ring type of ring. It was one of those song rings; the ones that sound like you have a live concert going on in your pocket. Anyway, I looked around, determined to lay eyes on the person guilty of disturbing the proceedings with a bad rendition of Dr. Sid's "Something about you."

There he was, the brother, two seats behind me reaching for his phone. Yanked out his Blackberry, looked at it and put it away. Wasn't him. Then across the hall, another brother, who looked like the first brother, grabs his blackberry and begins to yap it up with someone whom he obviously hadn't talked to in a while.

What struck me most wasn't the audacity of this brother to carry on a boisterous conversation in a quiet hall, but the fact that there were at least two brothers in the same hall who had the same hip-hop song as ringtones on their blackberry.

For two Dudes who undoubtedly thought they were unique, turns out that they were anything but that. In fact, they were just like the hoards of other brothers pursuing the same goal of distinction. Instead of being unique, they were uniquely the same. And they are not alone. Whether it’s a ringtone, a pimped out ride, the illest haircut or skinny jeans, the "it" slang or the latest high tops, more and more Brothers, in their quest to be unique, are, in fact, mirror images of one another. They look the same, act the same and talk the same. Some brothers fall so hard for the latest trends that they forget their own voice, their movements, their likes and dislikes.

Being an original, being unique, is all about being yourself. And it doesn't require a great deal of skill or money. It only requires a true commitment from a person to make his own path, chart his own course, and be an individual.

Try to learn things that most guys don't know, little details and facts that you can throw into a conversation ever so often. Place importance on educating yourself - not just on the highest goal scorer of the English Premier League - but on heavier issues. Learn about the things around you. Learn the political issue of the day, the ins and outs of the economy. Learn the difference between an Accrual and an overdraft, a stock and a bond.

Understand that what you own doesn't make you stand out. If you can't afford it, don’t buy it. Choose Freedom over an Expensive car. Choose peace of mind over a designer Wardrobe. When everyone around you is struggling to pay for their stuff, and you're not, that's when you really stand out.

Realize that sometimes, many times, the group is wrong. Mark Twain once said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

Perhaps those words of wisdom are more appropriate now than ever.

Another PHCN/NEPA episode.

Here I was, on a very sunny Saturday afternoon, driving back home from the hospital (Check -up), I pulled up in my street and then my curiosity was triggered. Electric wires loosely dangled from the imbalanced poles while very weary faces stood outside their respective homes. I shrugged it off as I pulled in my compound. "Oga Mayor, NEPA don cut light ooo!!!” , Jubril the gateman announces. " dem don bring bill?", i asked. "yes sir, na now now dem bring am!", he replied, handing the bill to me. "Ok, they're just bringing the bill and they cut out the power already", I thought. "N9000!". i said out loud, noticing my bill. "NEPA people still dey outside", Jubril interjected. On getting back out, I obviously spotted the guy in charge.

“Good Afternoon”, he greets. "There's nothing good about the afternoon, Firstly, you bring the bill today and you still cutting power out. Secondly, N9000! Haba, throughout January, I had light for about 13 hours, besides, I don’t live in a factory!!!”, I protested on. He looks on uninterested and replies, “Chairman, there's a change in management and you'll have to go our office..........blah, blah!”, “You People are Crazy!”, my usually noisy neighbor cuts in. “I swear to God, I already called my electrician, and as you leave, I’m fixing my light back!,  I’ve had enough of your nonsense and I’m ready for you people this time around!”. Hissing on, she starts walking away.

The NEPA man stood still, as if gathering his thoughts, "Mr Oga", I interrupted, "You can't cut the power, giving I just collected by bill”. “Na oyibo be all that one, go to the office and tender your case, I’m only doing my job!”, he finally speaks, obviously furious.

"You guys are plainly the most useless lot of any nationwide service provider", I said, "Not that you understand anyway", I added almost immediately, realizing my "Brighter grammar". Walking back inside, “Jubril”, I called, “Call the electrician later today, let him fixed this nonsense!”.  I slammed the door shut.

As expected, I fixed my light and headed to the NEPA (PHCN....whatever) office and after two hours of my precious time, I finally paid N1000 instead of the outrageous N9000. Bloody scams!.

On a final note, I’d like to offer my advice (not like it matters anyway!) NEPA, stop scamming Nigerians. Give us our auto-billing meters and see if you'll make a dime if you continue with what you do best, supplying darkness!.

I rest my case(for a while......).

A Good Friend

Boy likes girl, boy toasts girl, girl gist girls, girls like boy, girl agrees, boy shows off his new girl. That's that about that back in the less complicated secondary school days.

Nowadays, things aren't in black and white anymore. It is one thing for the girl to assume the role of the guy, it's another for both parties to like themselves and automatically assume the "We're in a relationship" role. The latter, which is my main concern, is in a very subtle way very dangerous ground to tread especially for the ladies. Characteristically, is the frequent calls, hanging out a lot as to suggest an item, so close to want to share any secret with and yet so far you are left plucking at rose petals - he loves me, he loves me not!!!

During my second year in School, i met a guy, Kunle and his chic, Jenny. They were such an item. Friends sometimes jester kunle, "Jenny how far?", while "how is our husband?" was a regular teaser to jenny from her girlfriends. Dinner dates every weekend, Shopping, excess care - if Jenny as much as sneezes, Reddington hospital will be receiving a patient shortly. He also appeared a jealous lover as he's always on guard even if she at the very least, gives a guy an almost full hug. Kunle had to be a man in Love. Or so i thought.

One fateful morning, she buzzed my phone and asked to talk to me in private without kunle's knowledge. Reluctantly, i agreed and on getting to see her, she broke down in tears, "Kunle broke up with me....". "you say what?", i replied shockingly. Apparently, she went to kunle's place uninvited and seeing kunle with another gurl, she starts to fume, but kunle calms her down, whispering gently, "Calm down, Why you dey vex?, I never asked you out, It's not like we were in a relationship or something.You have always been a very good friend". OMG, My emotions were playing a fast one on me as i wasnt sure whether to jump, laugh or feel pity!. "So u guys werent 'Official'...,Thats a long thing!", i continued.

Long story short, Spoke to kunle who confimed her story and says he's in a relationship now and that jenny is a good friend. Na Wa o!!!,  "Friend" i find myself repeating the word but in a way, he was right. Shopping plus Dinner multiplied by excess care is not equal to a relationship.
Jenny has since learnt her lessons - Never Assume a relationship, if he hasn't told you - He likes you and he Wants a relationship, he is just a friend. Leave it at that. Life's too short for all it is.Heed now, or you'll get to third base before realising you're just a good friend!!!!

You are now in Lagos.

"Oshodi!!!, Oshodi-Oke!!!, Ikeja!!!, Ketu-Ojota-PalmGrove-Onipan!!!!", any bus-stop enter with your 100 Naira change oooo!!!!
Seemingly energized bus conductors dinned the air at the Sabo bus-stop early in the morning on my way to work which, by the way, was at Ikeja where i was on Industrial training.
Diverse works of life - School Children, workers-most esp. bankers( tell by their dressing, suits with approved color of shirts) and the most dreaded fish- hawkers(that ish stinks),all impatiently waiting for buses to convey us to our respective destinations. The very impatient ones opted for okada(Bike) and rode off to wherever while the others appeared to be on their marks. "Ikeja!!!! Ikeja!!!!...." and like a gun shot to an athletes ears on a race track, there was chaos in getting into the bus and next i know, the bus, loaded with sweaty, rumpled, Fish -stinking passengers, eventually ferried more than usual and the conductor, hanging on the bus, made life even more unbearable for the poor dude is sitting close to door.

Another round of chaos and 15 minutes later, i finally got in a bus."God, my phone???, where's my Phone???", we all fixed our eyes on this guy as he continued yelling,"Bros abeg let me use your phone to flash my number!!!", he called out to the brother sitting next to him. Seconds later, he was dialling his phone while the driver and his conductor, the former driving recklessly and the latter just busy collecting the transport fare, was obviously uninterested. "Hello!!!", the coarse voice at the other end echoed, "who be this???", "where are you ??, thats my phone you using", the guy on the bus pleads on,"haaa, don't do that...." he continues, and then static, he tries dialing again but the phone's switched off.
Apparently, his phone was gently removed from his pocket while rushing to get on the bus and during his phone conversation, offered to drop his Sim card at a location, which in my own view, based on told experience, is lenient enough.

That story turned stale as i looked around me - a young lady dozing off, a school boy comfortably seated on his sister's lap, the banker beside me was reading a sports magazine, while a woman close to the window reached inside her bra to pay for a sachet of pure water. Fish smell filled the air but no one on the bus seem to care. I thirsted for water, so i reached out of the window and luckily, saw a hawker selling bottled water on standby and as my vocal chords where about to call out to him, i couldn't help but notice the vehemence as he stuck his index finger in his nose and picked away. I obviously withdrew my head and braced myself for the remaining 30min journey, thanks to the traffic and frequent stops.
"Allen ave!" "O wa oo", as often replied, i had reached my stop. I trotted to the office, trying to sign in before 8am. Approaching the hallway, every one present take furtive glances at me, then my olfactory nerve signals me that the Givenchy neo perfume i was wearing when i left my house had been forcefully replaced by the fish stench now vividly oozing in the hallway.

Oh my days!, my chance with the pretty front desk chic has been reduced to 36%. At 8:05, obviously exhausted, i sank in my chair and looked on the bright side,at least, i had just survived yet another normal Lagos Morning!.